Monday, May 12, 2008

The Mouth the City Lived in

A journal entry from LA's finest Madame::
Hi, I'm from LA by way of New York, Chicago, Akron Ohio, Virginia Beach, Fredericksburg Texas, and Melbourne Florida but yes I'm from LA. Me I hitchhiked out here in 78, worked as a street vender specializing in body parts; ears, eyes, toes, lips. . . . .(yes both sets), whatever you're into. Bought a car and an apt in Korea Town where I ran my business. My mouth was open 24/7 and the back door was revolving. Businessmen poured in and out of this office. The front, well I left that locked for love unless I couldn't make rent that week.

“Ahhh Mr. H R Puff n' Stuff good to see you good to see you- do you have a job for a 20 something aspiri. . ahh. . oooh. . brrrrrb ooh sorry I didn't realize we weren’t going to talk this time, wow someone is an eager beaver. Can I take out my retainer first? Oooh yes you're right that’s me, right beaver funny it’s like a pun.”

They all used code names, as if it mattered, and I was the hottest, cleanest, most innocent bull’s-eye on the market. Girl next door looks, with Ivy League wit, but they wouldn't know since mouths weren't for speaking when you charge by the hour. An Ivy League Whore makes for a snappy business card. Hey I'm an entrepreneur- we are all good at one thing and me, I know how to run a business, Korea Town to Silver Lake, Silver Lake to WeHo, WeHo to Beverly Hills. This bumpkin moved up and over and out, I can do it all and done it all.

“Well hello mister DeLlama and Snorcese, how imaginative you both are, sure all at once lets give it a shot, and by the way you wouldn't happen to have a position at your companies for a smart, willing (obviously), attentive young, oh yes, uh huh I just got tested yesterday, yes for sure.” Who do you have to fuck to get ahead in this town. . . . I dunno but I'm sure I fucked them and I didn’t get a head, I gave a lot though. This is not a business you want to get old in. “You wouldn't happen to have a job for a 30 something, desperate, eager. . . . ahh the bed this time.” “Hello, good to see you again Mr. Brant, no no, sorry no ladies here that look like futbol players, you're in America, here take one that looks like Brad Pitt in Fight Club.” That’ll be in the trades tomorrow.

I can go to parties, I can hand out my card, I am a confident, intelligent entrepreneur I run a business that is a necessity. “Well hello, yes call me when she's out of town, let’s talk.” “You sir you wouldn’t happen to need a clean 50's something development girl with an ivy league education. . . .oh yes, I role play as well. What huh? You cant hire me because nobody in town wants to look me in the eyes. . . . contacts, numbers . . . well I know all their code names, did you know Christian Slater used to like to be called Officer Ballbearings, yea had something to do with really firm testicles. . . I have dirt on ‘em all.”

I am a business woman, I make the movies now, I give you the ideas when you're curled up in a ball telling me bout your daughters drug problems post coital, how bout a detective who can see the future, or a dog that can talk. But yes to answer your question I love it here it defines me, I am LA, I'm its tits, I AM THE TITS OF LA. Though I'm more like the silver lake these days, if ya know what I mean. . . . .grey pubes. LA defines me it is home, it is life, it is death . . . is that the right answer, please tell me I passed? I know this, this is my job, this is my town, if Yale taught me one thing it's don't bite off more than you can chew. . . .I know how much I can bite, and lord knows if you cause a problem with me. . . or my girls I sure as shit know how much I can chew.


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